You work out of a Hotel?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
