Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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