I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
we should paint friendship bongs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
