I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
