he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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