I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
