I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
