we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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