you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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