I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
