Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
