I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
