I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
