farters have to be the big spoon...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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