Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
