I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
