Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
this will be a night to untag.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
