i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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