This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
