I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
