You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
