Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
