If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
