i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
