Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
