Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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