i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
