Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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