Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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