girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
