The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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