I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
