i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
