My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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