we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
