i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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