...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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