my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
