If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
