have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
