piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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