I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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