I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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