It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
