How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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