Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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