It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
