I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
