Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
