I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
