I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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